Some thoughts

Sometimes when i think about things... i realise that the person you are today is greatly influenced by the past events in your life.

Certain things hurt/traumatise you so much that it leaves an imprint on your life. It changes you, and the effect stays on for a time longer than you expect, and its magnitude greater than you realise.

Even though time passes and things change and bad things go away, no matter how hard you try to erase the dark spots you can't. Even though you know what they are. It's not like when you're writing a program, you can debug (F10 F11 F10 F10 F9 F5 ZZZzzz) and when you realise what is the problem you can get rid of it. Cos these dark spots have become part of you, they made you what you are. Like when you have a cut on your skin, it heals after some time, but the scar remains there, and you'll remember how the pain feels like for a long time.

Some things can be forgiven and forgotten rather easily, like some minor cuts will vanish with time. But other things, perhaps they can be forgotten and let go as well... but it takes time... 5 years? 10 years? I don't know. Or perhaps you have to learn to get over it, to overcome the fear in you, the disappointment. To forget how the pain feels like.

But sometimes, even when you have forgotten how the pain feels like, when you see the scar, the memories come back and haunt you. It reminds you that you were once miserable, even though you can't remember how it feels to be miserable.

I think it's important to think about this once in a while... To understand yourself better, to know why you behave the way you do, look into your past.